Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Where to start...

There doesn't seem to be a "right" way to start this. However, I feel the need to do this. I don't understand why. Some would say that this is not the right medium to work out my feelings. That's ok. You're entitled to your opinion. I feel differently. Granted, I honestly don't know how many people I will give this URL to. So, it may not even be an issue.
I have my first appointment with a fertility specialist in September. Yes, a fertility specialist. I never thought I would get to this point. When Darren and I decided that we wanted to start our family last year, I had it ALL planned out. Serves me right.
I was supposed to have a baby in my arms by this time. I was supposed to be a mom. Darren was supposed to be a dad. I was supposed to have a year with my baby before writing the UFE. We were so paranoid about making sure that we were preventing until exactly the right time. Oh if I had only known.
If I had only known that I would have some mysterious abscess on my right side.
If I had only known that I would have a large cyst on my left ovary.
If I had only known that it would rip my heart out to watch Darren with a little one and know that I wasn't able to give him one of his own.
If I had only known.

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